Keeping quiet

My first ever post for my chit chat series! 🐰And I hope you guys would like it. My chit chat series is where I share my feelings about stuff and life w/ anything in between.

Shhhhh! 👤

If you have nothing nice to say, just don’t say it! 🙅

But keeping quiet doesn’t really make things better, don’t it? I’ve had my fair share to horrible things that happened to me and I kept quiet about it for sometime, but as time went by I decided to speak about it. But it came with consequences that changed my outlook in life forever.

It was 2013, a few months until my contract ends. I was a company nurse and a front office staff at the same time. Employed in a hotel near naguilian rd, baguio city. I was glad to end a job a thought I loved but learned to hate. It was simple, attend to medical emergies if there were any then become a full time front desk staff and attend to hotel guest. I was excited, learning a new job. I would grab anything related to my course; bachelor of science of nursing. You see, I never realized it was that difficult to snag a job after college.

Despite getting all my certificates and trainings to eventually get hired at a hospital and who knows apply abroad which was basically “the nursing dream” but alas. On top of that, my mom at the time, wanted me to gain atleast 2 years of nursing experience then apply. My mom took my dad and siblings and left me behind. She didn’t bother to petition me and gav every excuse in the world why I can’t go. She petitioned another person. Soon after graduating last 2010, my family left for canada.

Fastforward 2013, by that time I was able to gain a year total in experience but it was not in employment rather in volunteer experience. So you guys would see how excited I was for this 5 month company nurse job. I was suuuuuper excited! If my shift started 6am, I would be there at 5:30 and patiently wait for my shift to start. I was quiet at first then opened up to my co workers eventually. Then the unexpected happened. I froze. Scared and shoked why it happened. You guys might be wondering what happened?

As a company nurse, I had to check every employees vital signs (heart rate, blood pressure, temp etc.). I would jot it down my little note pad and assess them whenever they need any medical attention. The hotel’s security guards were the worst! I was not required to assess their vital signs but they were so persistent. Again not all of them had cruel intentions, but most of them were. They would intentionally touch my hand and giggle, told me that I should wear meakeup and even follow me home. I would walk a few miles till my jeepney stop to save money and after those incidents happened, I just rode a cab everytime I left work for own safety.

The hotel was owned a well off chinese family. Oftentimes, our supervisors would be relatives of that family. The hotel was a known mall before. I remember it clearly because when I was younger, my family and I would visit this mall. I could vividly remember how the structure changed from a mall then now a hotel.

It was friday and my friends were pushy to see me. College friends who I know wanted me there to pay for them. They would invite random people to “treat” them a drink. Then a familiar face showed up. “Him”. He was a supervisor of the gym in that hotel. He didn’t see me. He was old (about 50y/o) with black dyed hair. We saw each other so I said hi then he immediately asked who I was with, I told him my friends. I was scared but faking a smile. Then he immediately grabbed me and forced sit on the bar stool. I repetitively declined sitting but then his voice got louder and said sit! He had other people with him surrounding us. I didn’t realize that the owner of that bar was his friend so he could do anything he wanted.

The crowd was loud. The music was awful but no one cared. He told me to stay put then forced me to drink beer. I pulled my friend next to me then she left after just a few mins. He started asking me if I was married, I said yes even though I was not. Then he started touching my thighs. Slowly placing his ugly hands on both of them I shoved it off, he kept saying my husband would leave me because in his mind, he was a seaman which I didn’t recall telling that. He looked another way then I just ran and hid on the bathroom then called my other companions to check if “he” was still arould so I can hide. My companions said he left but seemed like he was looking for someone.

After that night, I felt a million times more scared entering work. I had 2 more months to go before my contract ends and I just wanted to quit. I didn’t tell my fiance at that time what happened because I didn’t want to stress him out. Plus he was working abroad, so telling him would bring more harm than good. So I told my mom, she said just to rub it off because my work means more than what happened. Not really the advice I wanted so I just kept QUIET. 😶

On my last day, I felt free. I was able to breathe and move on with my life. But every night, I could still see that ugly man’s face. His scar, his hands everything that happened. I avoided spending time with my unreliable friends. I avoided my mom especially. I just wanted to see my fiance even via skype. It was that moment where I felt alone for the first time. I didn’t have any anyone else aside from my neighbor. She was sweet but I couldn’t talk about it bec. I felt ashamed. I double checked my outfit every single time I go out. I don’t wear clothing that shows skin at all even during the time I worked at the hotel.

Then one day, I was buying groceries at a mall, I saw the ugly monster. I was shoked and scared. I ran and hid at an aisle just to catch my breath then left. I tried going out again spending time with other friends just to remove my mind from the incident.

I was soon applying for jobs. Finally someone called back, but it was not from any of the companies I applied to, it was from that hotel. They wanted me back for another 5 month contract. I declined and thank them for the offer.

Keeping quiet isn’t the best way to move on. I just recently opened up to my then fince and now husband and he got mad for a moment but suggested that I talk to him.

If you are going through something, speak up! Don’t make the mistakes I did.

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